OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
