I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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