Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
