I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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