but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize