My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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