We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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