your parents love me but you hate me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
