remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
