ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this hospital has no fireball
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
