yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
