i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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