You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
