i barfeds in our rink
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
