I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
