and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
