You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
