I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
