My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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