Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
