If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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