That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
