she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
