It was confusing and full of hummus
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize