my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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