carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
