lets start a swedish sibling band together
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
