ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
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I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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