you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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