I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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