I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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