How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
