Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
