My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
