Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize