It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found the puke drawer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
