my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
