6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
