Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
