Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
