I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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