The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
