This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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