Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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