I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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