I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
