atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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