Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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