guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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