Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
