You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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