Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
