But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
