I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My vagina just clenched in fear
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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