and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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