I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would fuck him just for his dog
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