I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
