DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
