I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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