it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
