I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
